Avatar Revisited

So I recently saw Avatar for a second time, this time in 3-D. And for some reason the second time was actually better. Maybe the 3-Dness made it all seem alot better, because the 3-D was actually really good.

Long gone are the days of Spy Kids 3-D with the dodgy glasses, and sort of red and blue tinge that everything seemed to have. No, this sort of 3-D was actually really good. But I'm thinking the reason I enjoyed it more the second time was because I knew the story line was going to be a massive dissapointment and I just focused on the CGI and it was just fun to watch.

So, turns out if you don't like a movie watch it again in 3-D and then see what you think of it.

Avatar: not the airbender variety

Could it be? Have the holidays really bored me to the point where I am blogging again?

Well, obviously it has.

I suppose I'll blow the proverbial dust off my metaphorical typewriter and then get a feeling of superiority because I just used a really wanky allegory.

The reason for my return to the dog eat dog world of Internet blogging is mainly to write about the jism-fest that is James Cameron's "Avatar". Just to get it out of the way, the official word on this film is:

"It really wasn't that great, I mean it was alright, but you know, I've seen better movies"-Chris McNee. 7 minutes after seeing Avatar.

I'm finding it hard to fathom the mass hype surrounding the film, the story line is bland, predictable and the characters are all two dimensional and we've seen them a thousand times.

The only reason I can imagine that the Internet is drooling all over it, other than the oddly attractive female alien character, is the amazing special effects.

And yes, the special effects where breathtaking at times. They've even been described as a visual orgasm, which to me makes sense as an analogy for the entire film.

Your enjoying it at the time, in fact it feels really good, but then as soon as the film ends you feel empty, you start spiralling into regret and wonder if you should be spending Christmas with your mother, she really doesn't have anyone to celebrate it with after dad died, but she did want you to go to Europe didn't she?

anyway, the film's biggest let down is it's plot. Now, before you start smiling smugly to yourself because you are so freaking clever, yes the film is an analogy for the Native Americans, in fact the plot is stolen entirely from "Dances with Wolves". Noticing this doesn't make you smart, not noticing it makes you borderline retarded.

My biggest problem with the film was that it seemed that every 5 minutes they would turn to the camera and say to me:

"Hey, doesn't this remind you of something? something bad that happened? The Native Americans perchance?"

and then raise it's eyebrows at me and look disappointed.

I don't mind a film that has some kind of message or subtext, but seriously maybe be a little less obvious next time. I felt like I was being beaten around the head for 3 hours with environmental messages and guilt trips about my ancestors actions.

(even though I'm not American, so the McNee's had nothing to do with that)

Moving away from all that the next gaping problem with this film is the formulaic plot.

The plot, by the way, is about as formulaic as a plot could possibly be. From twenty minutes in you can tell everything that is going to happen, and I wasn't happy about it.

All the characters bored me to the point where I wanted the rest of the movie to be them burning alive in a pit. That is with the exception of the bad guy, who shall be known as "Generic Evil General 'cause we all know the military is inherently evil guy".

This character stereotype worked for me because they made him so insanely over the top. He had scars all over his face, killed things with his manly arms and probably drank the blood of homosexuals for nutrients.

Among his many memorable lines were:

"it is my job to keep you all alive...I am going to fail"

"Let's kill those tree hugging monkeys"

and many more, what made him better was that he was so insanely hard to kill, to the point where the final showdown became almost farcical.

So summing up, go see Avatar if you have $12.50 that you don't want to spend on drugs or porn, or any of the other food groups. Or if special effects make you rock hard, then sure go nuts, but if you are like me and you need a decent story or the special effects seem empty, you should probably find something better to do with your time, like start a blog.

Penis; friend or foe?

By Dylan Slater and Chris McNee

It has been debated since the beginning of man; the pros and cons of the male genitalia. Opinions from all shades define the heated debate behind the man’s trouser snake. There are those that say it is the sort of thing a country needs to continue developing financially, whereas some claim that it is immoral. Contrary to both these trains of thought is a philosophy only recently developed; Penisism. From this radical new school of thought comes the idea that the penis should not only be embraced by Australia’s government policy makers but also coupled with the taboo idea of the ‘vagina’.

To understand the intricate and confounding issue that is Australia’s penis debate, one must first be fully familiar with the workings and ideals of Penisism. Penisism holds such ideals as “open your mouth or it goes in the eye” and “don’t worry I’ll pull out”. These two main catchphrases of Penisists are where the majority of criticism is directed. There are those in the community who feel that Penisists are a corrupting force upon society. These critics are generally feminists, and therefore have a biased slant.

The idea of Penisism is sharply contrasted by the idea of Vaginism or as they are known “The Order of the Secret Vajayjay”. The Vaginists hold such values as “I can’t feel that” and “that was it?” It is from this school of thought that Penisism is most heavily criticised. It would seem that the two opposing ideologies are incompatible, this however according to the radical new school of thought known as “Sexism”.

This type of Sexism is not referring to a discrimination based on gender; it is the combination of Penisism and Vaginism. This “Sexism” is though to be the solution to the constant struggle between Penisism and Vaginism that has defined all society hitherto. The Sex Struggle as was coined by Karl Farx-Gerlz, states that there will always be a struggle between the two genders so long as there is a notable difference. It is from this Karl Farx-Gerlz that the idea of Cummunism was created. Cummunism is important as it can be seen as the precursor to the new theory of Sexism.

Sexism and Cummunism, although born of the same ideology, differ greatly on one central and defining idea. Cummunism theorizes the fundamental idea of “in me not on me”. This is to say that Cummunism is not open to original or opposing thought within its structure. Whereas Sexism allows room for negotiation and compromise, for example one of the founding ideas of Sexism is “You rub my back and I’ll rub yours…or something else?” This is a demonstration of how within Sexism the people have a democratic right to negotiation whilst in Cummunism penetrative sex is the only type allowed.

Cummunism allows the combination of Penisism and Vaginism but only in a very limited away. Sexism allows for a negotiation and as such a better understanding of the two genders to be reached. This understanding between the two opposing ideologies allows a co-existence of the two philosophies. This allows a society to reap the benefits of both schools of thought.

And on a different topic...

It has long been my opinion that Bollywood movies were all long winded, dance numbers. But my god, I stand corrected by what may be the best fight scene I have ever seen. I especially love the man's moustache and the sheer about of car windshields that were broken. It really was quite amazing.

And now on a different topic, the other week I went and saw Transformers 2. It was a movie quite unlike anything I have ever seen. It was poetic, poignantly beautiful at times yet heart breakingly realistic. Also Robots blew up.

But what really struck me about it, other than the solid two minutes of Megan Fox running in slow motion, was the attitude of The Transformers themselves.

For a young Transformer, there really only were two options either to be an Autobot or a Deceptecon. This can put alot of pressure on a young robot, growing up is hard enough without having to choose sides in a war.

The problem also presented itself that The Deceptecons had no real motive, yes they wanted to blow up the sun, but that is a very illogical thing to do. It is my belief that The Deceptecons are just part of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If Optimus Prime and his friends sit around talking about how evil and dastardly The Deceptecons are, of course they are going to behave in a certain sun ending way.

If someone were to show Megatron a little love and compassion rather than always treating him with disgust, maybe he would reciprocate it and there wouldn't be a conflict in the first place. Megatron is just a victim of a society were he is seen as a villain based on the fact that he was born a Deceptecon.

This problem also exists for The Autobots. With their holier than thou attitude, no wonder the Deceptecons hate them. Where does Optimus Prime get off being so preachy? If you treat Megatron like a criminal he is bound to behave like a criminal.

I think that is all I have to say, and yeah sorry Declan I know I said I would do this in an essay format but you know...too lazy.

Oh and also here is an intensley depressing photo of Megan Fox, that I thought I would share;

Define: Philosophy

Philosophy: The art of pretending to be deep so as to impress people.

www.qwantz.com

Alt. Art

It is back through popular demand. Well actually Liam said I should and I have nothing better to do as I wait 20 minutes for my delicious chicken and pasta dinner.

Muppets

The Simpsons

Star Wars

(Han Solo and Chewbacca)

Spongebob Squarepants

Avatar

Sexism; Part 2

After reading Chester's blog I realised that I wasn't very clear in my previous blog. So I'm just setting a few things straight and elaborating on what I said and what I didn't say.

Firstly, I don't think I was clear on this, but the degradation of women in these videos doesn't come from them being overtly sexual. The degradation comes from the nature of the relationship between the males and the females. The women are generally being overtly sexual to get the attention of one male who will generally ignore them. It is implied that even though he ignores them, they are still so clingy and need him so much that they hang around trying to win his affection through their sexuality.

And it is this portrayal of a relationship between men and women that is my main problem.

Also I'm not trying to push some kind of moral panic. Sexism in music videos is not the most important issue to be concerned with. And I don't think the media is quite as powerful as some people think. But the media does carry some weight. Especially among younger more impressionable people. And the mysoginist man is portrayed as a good thing or something to aspire to be. I'm not saying that everyone that watches television will suddenly behave like the people they see, but I have known it to happen.

In my old home of Papua New Guinea, the image of the powerful, mysoginist man was very influencial. This could be because of the cultural history of the "Big Man" system. But regardless, in Papua New Guinea with the introduction of MTV 90% of teenagers who were looking for an identity chose to be 50 cent. And the women, who had never been equal in Papua New Guinea and probably won't be for a very long time, went along with it.

But maybe, the effect of these videos in a place like Canberra is less influencial. Infact I'm sure it is.Probably because of the cultural differences or the education level, I'm inclined to think it is a combination of the two.

well, that is just to make things more clear.

Sexism

In the words of MC Vagina:

"It isn't sexist because I'm saying it in song, now shut up and take off your thong"

Before I begin I realise that Chester has already blogged on this topic, but you know, what the hell I'll do it as well.

I was watching some channel V as I do occasionally because it, unlike MTV actually plays music occasionally. Or so I thought. I began watching the 100 hottest or something like that and this song came on, that was about as subtle as a rock being thrown at someone in a wheelchair.

Some buff guy was dancing around in front of his 'pimpin' cars, drinking some product placement wine, talking on his Iphone (which was zoomed in on) and surrounded by what some might refer to as "Skanky Booty Hoes".

I don't care if this guy writes his music and gets product placements, buys pimpin cars and seems to be living the high life. My problem with this style of video is the degradation of women. I mean, this guy had three women hanging off of him as if they were objects. Sure this may seem harmless as my peers and I seem to be able to take this with a grain of salt and know that it is ridiculous.

But this music was in the top 100 which means someone likes it, and someone must identify with the image being portrayed in the clip. For males this means they aspire to be a mysoginist douche bag and for girls it means they want to be brainless, skanks. Neither of which are particularly admirable.

But maybe I am overeacting, maybe this sort of thing has no effect on anybody. And I mean, I'm not trying to write off a certain genre of music, as you may have figured out that I am talking about hip hop music in general. I do realise that hip hop music is not all like this, as it started as the voice of the disenfranchised black man and produced seminal artists like Tupac etc.

And hip hop is not the only genre of music to contain sexist elements, infact I'm sure you could find it in every single genre. Bands like ACDC sing about effectively the exact same thing. I guess my problem is that these videos seem to lack any sense of subtelty, and just come across as insulting and silly.

But maybe that is just me.

Alt. Art

I feel like I should post something and the only thing I can think of posting is some of this Alternative Art that I really like.

Just to be clear I did not do any of this, I just saw it and thought it was really cool so I right clicked and hit save as.

Pokemon

Alice in Wonderland

Super Mario

yeah, just realised that this is taking a really long time. So post is ending here, enjoy the three photos.

Pokemon

Pokemon.

The word evokes many emotions, for me I feel the slow and tedious process of training and evolving the damned things, the empty feeling I get when I realise that pokemon is a vacum that is sucking up my youth and the rage I feel when you press A one time too many at the pokemon centre.

Yes, it is a terrible, terrible thing yet why can't I stop?

I get pokemon urges in the middle of the night I will wake up in a cold sweat and think to myself:
""My God I have it, I'll give pikachu a thunderstone!"

It is painful because I have realised that I don't actually give a damn if my pokemon are good or not but it doesn't stop me playing pokemon.

I spent days people, I kid you not, days growing berries to evolve pokemon. Feeding them to make them love me, my total play time is 250 hours plus the 33 I just wasted on platinum.

So now that I have gotten all this off my chest what am I going to do tomorrow you wonder, when Jack says to me:
"hey Chris, how are your pokemon?"

I'm going to look him sternly in the eye and say:

"really good man, how are yours?"

and pull my DS out of my pocket and continue wasting my life.

because despite pokemon being physically painful it is awesome.

Quality Journalism Will Not Die

This is my attempt at a feature article that I have to write for my investigative journalism class, please leave some feedback/comments, cheers.

If one was to walk around the corridors of Dickson College and peruse the students who attend there they would probably be filled with a number of emotions, shock, disbelief and nausea to name only a few.

If one can get past the conspicuously blood shot eyes, drunken slur and complete disregard for any form of decency then maybe, just maybe the students who attend here may be deemed hopeful for government welfare. However short of a very generous social worker there is very little hope that these students won’t simply drop out and start smoking ice.

If we were to now take a short trip to the bustling metropolis of New York, New York. Were we to then grab a coffee and head up to the editor-in-chief’s of the New York Times office we would see something very different. The mood is tense, as he reads about the closing of more newspapers and wonders how long until he is out of the job.

With the relatively new medium of the internet having now officially reached V.2 there is very little hope for newspapers. Just to clarify V.2 stands for Version 2 of the internet. This new version has come into being as the internet has become fully interactive.

Nowadays if I want to see a man get hit in the groin I can find it with the click of the button, I can then post a video of myself laughing at the man getting hit in the groin, someone else will then post a video telling me that I shouldn’t be laughing. I will then inevitably go onto my facebook account and put my status to: Upset by some mean guy on youtube.

You get the picture. If I want to put a video for everybody on the face of the planet to see, I can. If I want all my friends to know that I am upset, I can. If I want to start a blog where I pass out half baked opinions as actual fact, I can. And this is where a problem presents itself.

Why would I read some journalists opinion on the war in Iraq when I can publish my own?

Newspapers are becoming redundant as news moves online. Of course newspapers are trying to make the shift online as well with many publishing their newspapers online. The problem is however is that online newspapers do not make money. The traditional money maker for newspapers is no more. The gold that was the classified pages has now moved online meaning newspapers are no longer profitable. Because now if I want to buy a house, meet a sexy single or tell people about my wedding I can do it all for free online.

Without this source of income the future for journalism does not look good. But the problem extends beyond the poor owner of the New York Times who is chewing his fingernails to the bone as he awaits the inevitable. The problem is that without a feasible income for newspapers who will report our news?

The short answer is that journalism will be overtaken by a new breed of citizen journalist. This idea sends a cold chill down the spine of almost every ‘serious journalist’ everywhere. They cannot imagine a world where they must compete with the slack jawed commoner for their news to be noticed. In fact the idea seems preposterous, and it is a very bad idea.

The vast amount of uninformed opinions that would be posted by every Tom, Dick and Harry would lead to a poorly informed society. Statistics of course would mean that there would have to be some good journalism out there that would be worth reading but the sheer amount of misinformation would make it impossible to navigate.

You may be sitting there saying to yourself, “So what? If journalists are so great they wouldn’t be dying out?”

Well, journalists may be dying out but society needs them. Imagine a world without journalists; politicians would be able to do whatever they pleased without fear of reprisal.

“Oh, to be a state or local official in America, [without newspapers], To gambol freely across the wastelands of an American city, as a local politician! It's got to be one of the great dreams in the history of American corruption." –David Simon, The Wire

Journalists are needed to keep society in balance and that is the long and short of it. You yourself may not read newspapers, or watch the news, or even listen to the hard hitting stories of the likes of Mel and Kochie. But you still benefit from them. Because while you don’t watch the news, someone does and this means journalists are reaching someone who will be outraged by the latest scandal. They will be so outraged they are sure to make something happen about it. Which in turn benefits you.

We now have the full problem; newspapers are dying and taking journalists with them. The journalists are being replaced with poorly informed citizen journalists on the world wide web, this new breed of journalists will never be able to do the job of their predecessors thus throwing society into chaos.

It is all sounding very grim, however if we remember the slack jawed plebes of Dickson College. There is not a lot that these students are proficient at, but one thing they can all do with amazing skill is operate the internet. In fact everyone born after the year 1990 has the internet as second nature.

The internet is where the news is heading, and as said statistically it is very likely that there will be some quality citizen journalism. Now we take these students who have an amazing control over the internet. How long will it take for them to find the good news? How long will it take for them to spread it virally, through facebook, msn and the like? The answer is not very long at all.
The problem however still persists that a free lance online journalist will have zero funding. How could they possibly cover news extensively without the resources to do so? Without money for trips to foreign countries or the capacity to sit in on parliament the average Joe journalist will not be able to deliver.

This problem is easily resolved. At universities across the world, copious amounts of money is spent on think-tanks which fund research that will hopefully discover something to benefit mankind, or just simply discover something. What then is stopping this money being spent on internet journalism? Journalism is just as good for society as a new discovery about a disease and it is a lot more frequent.

Newspapers may be dead, but journalism is not. To many the internet may seem like a scary, soul stealing machine but to the youth, who are the future of journalism, it is not. Citizen journalism is an inevitability and so long as it is well resourced citizen journalism is bound to still be quality journalism.

Is Chris McNee a stooge?

Today in sociology, I was sitting there minding my own business as I often do. Listening to Conor waste time as he spoke about something nerdy. I occasionally looked at Gabe and we exchanged witty remarks about the entire situation.

This for me was a normal day, until I glanced to my left, and to my horror it wasn't Declan's encouraging smile that met me but rather the face of the devil himself.

yes, the hairy face of one Chester Michael Adamik, and he said to me:

"Chris, update your blog you stooge"

Well, here I am, updating my blog.

The problem does remain that I don't know what to blog about. My assingment is over, so this isn't acutally necessary and now that no one in my class is blogging Chester and Declan are most likely the only people who will ever read this.

But does this stop a dedicated blogger?

"Hell No!"

I will publish my opinions in the false belief that someone out there in "teh intrawebs"(Conor Bendle, Line 6 sociology) will read it and be so blown away by my sheer amounts of awesome that they may continue to read all of my posts and maybe even forward it to a friend.

I have decided that today's post will be about Robert Frost, and more specifically a random poem I select from his collection of poems. Exciting I know.

A Time To Talk

When a friend calls to me from the end of the road

And slows his horse to a meaning walk,

I don't stand still and look around

on all the hills I haven't hoed,

and shout from where I am, "What is it?"

No, not as there is a time to talk.

I thrust my hoe in the mellow ground,

Blade end up and five feet tall

And plod: I go up to the stone wall,

For a friendly visit

Profound Robert Frost, profound.

anyway this has been enough bludging for me as I must return to my real homework. But please enjoy the poetry Declan and Chester.

God Hates The World

Okay, I realise that this post and my last post have been semi-political. And I'm trying to not make this political. But please look at this site:


http://www.godhatestheworld.com/


if the name was a little bit too subtle for you. It is a site that documents which countries God hates. The ones in red are the ones that God has a problem with. You can even click on the image and it will tell you why God hates that particular country.


here is an excerpt:


Every year that evil country known as Australia holds numerous Fag Pride Parades. Here are just a few examples of how these arrogant beasts roll: Pride March Victoria, Melbourne, Australia; Pride March Adelaide, SA, Australia: Gay Mardi Gras Parade, Sydney, Australia.



And there are many other reasons for God's hate toward the average Aussie. We lost out because of Heath Ledger acting in Brokeback Mountain.


They even have some other very convincing evidence that had me nodding along thinking:

"Hmmm, yes God probably does hate me"


46% of Australian marriages end in divorce. What is wrong with you people!?!


De 22:22 If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, both the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.


Take that and smoke it on your barbies!


I will take that and smoke it on my barbie.


I mean I don't mind that these people seem to be very angry, just that it sounds like it is written by a 16 year old girl on Myspace.


At one point they even call Catholics: Goofy.

Fags are allowed to adopt children in the Australian Capitol Territory and Western Australia. Stepparent adoption is allowed in Tasmania….um…..ok!?!


I mean, you can't expect people to take you seriously. Especially seeing as how they seem to have done such extensive research then throw it away by talking like a semi-retarded person.


Sure it says in the Bible that divorce is bad. But God seems to overreact, I mean if the penalty for cheating on your husband is death, where is God going to go for more serious offenses?


He has punished himself into a corner.

According to this site God even has a problem with Ethiopia...come on God Ethiopia? That is a bit unnecessary don't you think?

The people of Ethiopia believe they are special because of a few things: 1) They are first mentioned by Moses in the book of Genesis at Chapter 2; 2) They had a Queen, at one point, who had a little fear of the God who made her so she traveled a far distance to meet and greet Good King Solomon and hear the wisdom that he was given by God Almighty; 3) They are still here after all these many thousands of years. That’s it, that’s all they’ve got!

Am I the only one who read this and drew a parallel to Myspace bitch talk?

Yep, that bitch Ethiopa think she is so damn hot. But so totally isn't, the boys just like her because she wears those skanky miniskirts and puts out like a slut.

But to the people of this website I do have a question.

Presuming God is the creator, i.e. the one who created us and everything around us, why would he create world just so he could hate it or put things in it that he hates?

Or does God act in mysterious ways that we cannot understand? and if so how can you be so sure he hates the world?

yep, post just got profound.

Barack Obama; The Antichrist

Obama Youth Brigades
(Like Hitler) If you control the youth you control the future. Children are being spoon fed propaganda about the Global Warming/Green movement, told to spy on their neighbors/parents, being trained as boy scouts by homeland security to fight potential terrorists (war veterans) and take away guns.

I found this and many articles similar to it on this blog:
http://www.barackobamaantichrist.blogspot.com/

And it is all very funny but at the same time very depressing. But I am glad that as a youth I now know that Obama is trying to control me as Hitler would do. I'm also being spoon fed propaganda about helping the environment, and I now know to hate the environment as much as I possibly can. And if I had a dollar for every time I've attacked a terrorist and it turned out to be a war veteran I would have at least $3.85.

What I really love about this little excerpt is that it implies that Obama has some kind of vendetta against War Veterans. Why would anyone have a vendetta against war veterans? Other than just being evil?

I can see it now, Obama sitting in his oval office. The lights are off because if light touches him he will turn to stone. He smiles quietly to himself, rubbing his hands maniaclly. He lets out a small laugh, which slowly escalates to a hearty and resonant one. He throws his head back and directs his chilling chuckle to the ceiling. When his fit has subsided he smirks and says under his breath:
"Ï'm coming for you War Veterans"

I kind of feel sorry for Obama. It's sad that crazy people seem to hate him. I mean someone has even put into Yahoo! questions:
Is Obama the Antichrist?
Because of course if anyone knows it's the people who use Yahoo!.

I even read about this group who believe that Obama is the Antichrist and is going to end the world by bringing about a one world government.

As the story goes: On the day that Obama brings about the new world order he will reveal himself to be Satan and it will start to rain blood. But Jesus Christ will descend from the heavens with a fiery sword and duel with him.

yes...They believe Jesus is going to duel with Barack Obama while it is raining blood.

Normally I am a strong advocate for letting people believe what they want, but seriously?

Even the well informed people at http://www.conservapedia.com/ seem to have it in for him.

Arguing that he is a 'Muslim' because he does things like:

• Pronounces Pakistan the Muslim way not the American way.


• He was once quoted as saying "Muslim Americans have enriched America"


• And he even said that there needs to be understanding reached between Muslims and the rest of the world.

Sounds like tolerance and acceptance to me, but not in America. In America that is queer, commie, Muslim talk.

And what really, really gets me about the argument that Obama is a Muslim is that it rests upon the fact that being Muslim is inherently bad. Which of course it isn't.

I have realised while writing this, that if it turns out that if Obama is the Antichrist I will look pretty silly. However that is a risk I am willing to take.

And if you are ever after a laugh check out http://www.conservapedia.com/ it is basically a wikipedia that doesn't even make a pretence of objectivity. I especially enjoyed the article on the evil homosexual agenda.

Jurassic Fight Club

Ladies and Gentleman I may have found the greatest television show on the planet.

Now imagine if you will the dimly lit FOX creative director's board room. A soft breeze is rolling through the window and the slight crinkle of the venetian blinds is all that can be heard in the silence. The director is in a dark brood as him and his team try to think of a new show. The anticipation is thick in the air.

Then suddenly the mailboy says:
"Well people like dinosaurs...and also I liked fight club..."
The director then leaps up and shouts:
"BY GOD! YOU LITTLE GENIUS"
and thus Jurassic Fight Club is born.

Now if you haven't guessed already the show basically answers the question if these two dinosaurs got into a fight who would win. And it may be the greatest concept for a television show ever created, except maybe this:
Totally Awesome Dinolords




I think that, while Totally Awesome Dinolords may sound ridiculous. It is where we are headed. Eventually people will tire of Jurassic Fight Club and begin to wonder which dinosaur would win in a race. I know I would certainly watch that show. But alas, until such a time as we have the technology to accurately simulate Dinosaur Hot Rod races we will have to suffice with just them fighting.

If you are into dumb, funny, violence all revolving around Dinosaurs then I recommend Jurassic Fight Club.
3 o'clock on FOX 8.

Never Have I Felt Like More of a Man

Now to those of you who know me, you will probably know I am not the manliest of men. Now this doesn't bother me much, I mean I'm not a screaming handbag it's just my conversations don't tend to go along the lines of:

"fucking chicks, fucking football, fucking beer, fucking chicks, fucking manual labour"

However the other day I found a video that made me want to wear a wife beater, drink beer, and be ignorant to women's feelings.

This here's the MANtage



However in my moment of testosterone fuelled manliness I realised that I have not done a single thing in this video. Not a single one.

So as quickly as it had come my surge of manliness dissipated and I felt like watching Titanic and eating a ludicrous amount of cookie dough.

The morale of this story of course being if this video makes you feel as bad as it makes me feel, call me up and we can watch Titanic and talk about how dreamy Leonardo Di Caprio is.

Drugs, Ethical Dilemmas and German Techno

I started reading Alice in Wonderland the other day because I'm going to an Alice in Wonderland themed party and I figured I had better do my character research.
(I'm going as tweedle dee)
Anyway, so I'm about halfway through it and I am enjoying it a lot, but I heard somewhere that Lewis Carrol was smoking Opium when he wrote it.

Which in my mind raised an ethical dilemma, they tell you from when you are but a mere child that drugs are bad. However if it weren't for opium Lewis Carrol wouldn't have written Alice in Wonderland.

so you see my dilemma, and after spending a tense 13 minutes slaving over this I have come to a conclusion.

People should be allowed to do drugs if they promise they will then write a memorable piece of literature. And it doesn't even have to be literature, it could be a song or even an intepretive dance.

But it has to be brillant. Imagine, if you will, a world where the junkies bumming for a ciggarette did it through world class ballet or in an excellent and engaging prose. It'd be a good world, so Kevin Rudd if you are reading this I hope you are getting some ideas.

Nandrew, the guy who made this video, got into the idea of drugs being an essential part of the creative process.


yeah, they were on so many drugs, I'm surprised they are still alive.


And if you actually like this sort of music check out this site:

http://www.synthtopia.com/



It is just a site that recommends and reviews slightly bizzare synth and techno bands.

Star Trek

The other night me and a few of my companions were out on the town up to no good. We were expressing our teenage angst by being less than polite to people and even wearing slightly unusual clothes, we were trouble makers alright. We then thought, what could we do to really stick it to the man?

Obviously the answer to this question is go and see Star Trek, so that is what we did. Now at first I thought it would kill an hour and a half of my life and that would be it. I assumed it would all be CGI and I would sit there rolling my eyes thinking: "This CGI is so lame". For you see, CGI and I have not gotten along since George Lucas decided to kill my childhood with the Star Wars prequels and Indiana Jones 4.

However the CGI in this movie was really good. In fact the whole movie was rather good. I mean it wasn't massively mind expandingly brilliant, but it made me laugh occasionally, things blew up and all in all I started to get into it.

I mean, I'm not much of a trekkie, I'd shake hands with Chewbacca before Spock. But I did know some of the characters and got alot of the references which were actually done quite well, not in the tacky George Lucas sort of way.

Infact through the process of writing this I have realised why I liked it so much. George Lucas was nowhere near it, it did not make me want to gouge out my eyes with the corner of my Revenge of the Sith DVD. It was a remake, that used CGI but it didn't have irritating sidekicks, ridiculous stunts (Shia La Beouf swinging through trees with monkeys...???) and the CGI wasn't overused to the point were it looked like a PS2 game.

So kudos to George Lucas for not ruining another movie. And if you are off to see a movie I strongly recommend seeing Star Trek.

Bible in a Minute

Are you annoying and opinionated? Do you enjoy debating things of little consequence? Does your opinion matter more than everyone elses?

If the answer to these questions is yes, you are probably the sort of person to debate the Bible with a religious person. However you are probably really lazy right? You can't be bothered to actually read the damed thing but you still want to attack people with your oh so clever insights.

Well do I have the solution for you:
That's right it is the amazing 'Bible In a Minute'


Now, go forth and irritate people.

But seriously, if you are intrested in Religion you should check out some people who actually write seriously about it. Richard Dawkins for instance is quite good. I read his The God Delusion and it is intresting. I personally think he is a bit of a prat, but this opinon is not shared by all and regardless it is well worth a read. I also hear that the Blind Watchmaker is quite good.

http://www.amazon.com/God-Delusion-Richard-Dawkins/dp/0618680004

Here is a link to Amazon books, which will give you an overview of it, a rating, that sort of thing. And if you're really hardcore you can even buy it, or just find it in a library which is what I would do.

Three Imaginary Boys

The Cure are probably the biggest band in the Alternative/Goth/Emo/Pop/Darkwave/Eighties genre and are one of my favourite bands.

I have however realised that people do have a preconception about The Cure. I realised this when I was walking to school one day wearing a Cure t-shirt. Two charming young men drove past me in their 'fully sick' Commodore, their matching rat tails were blowing majestically in the wind caused by their 'hectic' speeding. These two rather intelligent young men deemed it necessary to yell at me:

"The Cure?! Go eat a baby, you emo!"

To which, using all my dazzling wit, responded with a four letter word followed by "off!"

Now, I guess having the impression that The Cure is inherently depressing is not too far from the truth. Alot of their music isn't exactly cheery, which is why Three Imaginary Boys is such a good album.

It is The Cure's early work and is very different to their more well known stuff. The majority of the songs are actually upbeat and quite fast, rather than the slow depressing Cure we have come to know and love.

This album also features their iconic song Boys Don't Cry. But in my opinion this song while it is the best known is not the best on the album. My favourites are Killing An Arab, Fire in Cairo and 10:15 Saturday Night.

This first one, Killing an Arab actually was banned in America after 9/11 for fears it might insight violence towards Arabs. However, before you jump to any conclusions and raise your eyebrows in a disgusted manner, this song is not racist. It is about Albert Camus' book The Outsider. So don't worry it isn't racist it is just pretentious.

Killing an Arab


Fire In Cairo





10:15 Saturday Night

If you like this sort of thing then definetly check out the Album as it is much the same. And just for those of you who haven't heard it, here is Boys Don't Cry. Just so when you get into a conversation and someone says they like Boys Don't Cry you can say "Boys Don't Cry is alright, but I prefer some of the other songs of that album, like Fire in Cairo and 10:15 Saturday Night" causing the person you're talking to to think you are amazingly cultured.



And if you really like what you hear check out this site:
http://www.last.fm/music/The+Cure
it is pretty much a list of their discography plus similar bands, you can even buy their music here. Or just look at the album names and use torrents, it's up to you.

When a prank goes too far

Now don't get me wrong I do love a good prank. Being part of a group that is systematically cruel to an individual is one of the small pleasures I can still enjoy. However I do think that there is a limit. A prank can go too far.

The following is what I feel a prank in good taste is



(That is a video of me from a couple of years ago)

Now there are certain things a prank in bad taste has, for example: I think that one should not prank a child under 5. I also think it may be inappropriate to make this child think they are about to die. And it is probably in poor taste to make said child think a zombie is going to eat them. This is just a view I hold that I have now discovered is not shared by the Japanese television watching demographic.




Okay, I'll admit that this video is hilarious and I did laugh very hard when I watched it. And maybe that's okay, maybe I need to be more Japanese in my outlook, sure that kid will probably be talking about zombies to his thearpist in later life, but it was really funny. And for the Japanese that seems to be enough justification for doing something outrageous. So I think from now on I am going to be as Japanese as possible. I'll eat sushi, watch anime and completely disregard my moral compass, life will be good.

The Ewok Problem; Is There a Solution?

Today I've decided to talk about a rather controversial topic and before I start, so as not to run the risk of offending anyone who feels passionately about this topic as many people do, I just want to say that I respect all shades of opinion on the Ewok debate. However, the topic of Ewoks is rarely raised in casual conversation. It seems as if it has reached a state of taboo in our society and I say that it is not healthy. If we do not talk about Ewoks how can an understanding ever be reached? if parents don't discuss Ewoks with their children, when they get to school they will be confused in Star Wars conversations as they try to pretend they have seen the movies. There have even been cases where families have been ripped apart by the emotional rift caused by the Ewoks.

So as you can see Ewoks are no laughing matter.Indeed, the rivalry Ewoks cause is worse than that of the Bloods and the Crips, Israel and Palestine, even the divide between pirates and ninjas.

You are probably disgusted by my frequent use of the word Ewok, but please read on as you may learn something.

Firstly, to all those who do not know an Ewok is a furry alien that is only a meter tall. They were featured in Star Wars: Return of the Jedi and their inclusion in the film sparked much heated Internet debate.

People claimed that the Ewoks were just added for the children and to sell toys. Some people even went so far as to say that they ruined the first trilogy of star wars. People complained that it didn't make sense that cuddly teddy bear aliens could beat storm troopers. There have even been movements formed, such as the Anti Ewok League:

On the other side of the fence are the people who support the Ewoks. The people who say that they were a good addition to the film, and were quite cute and funny. With the supporters making heartfelt dedications to them such as the Ewok Gospel Song



Now I have reached a compromise, a way for Ewok supporters and haters to live in peace; understanding and acceptance are the only things that can heal a void this big.

so to the Ewok haters I say can you concede that the Ewoks did throw a raging treetop party?

And to the Ewok Lovers I say can you not agree that the Ewoks beating storm troopers doesn't make sense?

If the two sides can atleast agree to these points there is hope for the future, hope for a world where Ewok wars don't tear families, countries and Internet forums apart.

Thank you for listening.

King Lear

I assume that if you are reading this you are ridiculously indie. I can see you now, sitting in a coffee shop with your frappe latte machiatto double shot espresso wearing an unusual hat and a waistcoat or cardigan. Browsing the Internet on your Mac smiling smugly to yourself as you open Linux . In fact you are probably this guy,

So when I say Shakespeare you probably roll your eyes and say:

"pffft, he is so commercial"

But I'm not going to talk about some mainstream Macbeth or Romeo and Juliet. The sort of play you hate because you've been dragged along to some shitty high school performance where attention depraved teenagers butcher the poetry of Shakespeare by equating dramatic tension with yelling really really loud.

No, I'm going to talk to you about Macbeth's little brother King Lear my absolute favourite play.

Below is an image by Scott Paul Gordon of the climax of the play.




King Lear is the story of an old and senile king who has decided to divide his kingdom between his daughters based on how much they love him. His daughters all suck up to him except one who tells him how it is and that he is a crazy old man.

King Lear doesn't like this and banishes her and some more stuff happens but more intresting than the main story is the subplot with the greatest Shakespeare character in existence: Edmund The Bastard.

Edmund is the villain and uses his sneaky, sneaky ways to seize power and manipulate everyone around him. I won't ruin the ending for you, but I seriously recommend getting your hands on this play. Unfortunately reading a play from a book is batshit boring and anyone who says different has issues.

And I couldn't find any film adaptions except those dodgy BBC ones, however there was one very cool adaptation I found called Ran. It is a Japanese adaptation. It is rather slow with the director deeming it appropriate for every now and then to spend a minute or two admiring scenary. But other than that it is a brillant adaptation.

They did change the character of Edmund from the bastard son to a knife wielding slut bent on revenge which I feel is equally as awesome.

However if you get the chance to see this play performed by a group of thespians that aren't weird and irritating teenagers who barely understand their characters let alone how to potray them, I strongly recommend you go see it.

and to any teenage actors out there I apoligise, I wasn't talking about you I was talking about all those other kids.

Nick Cave: Murder Ballads

The first album I'm going to endorse, is Murder Ballads by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Murder Ballads is an excellent album. As said this album is from Nick Cave who could very well be the sexiest man alive.


Murder Ballads is probably one of his better known albums. It is a concept album, and as the name alludes, it is an album about murder. Everysingle song is about some kind of messed up, chilling, traumatizing murder and it is brilliant.


However if murder is not your thing, probably steer away from this album, as the death count at the end of 10 songs reaches 64.


But the album is so much more than just senseless murder and being creepy for the sake of being creepy. The lyrical genius of Nick Cave coupled with his sinister voice make this one of the more intense albums I've listened to.


Now you may be thinking that you've heard of this album before, and you probably have as it was his most commercially successful album. Nick Cave was even nominated as best male artist by MTV but because Nick Cave is such a badass he had them withdraw the request.



Nick Cave even did what I would consider impossible, he made Kylie Minogue...good.

He sings a duet with her, called Where the Wild Roses Grow and it is excellent, probably one of my favourite of two songs on the album.

The video is pretty good as well, and if you like this try to look up O'Malley's Bar it's from the same album and honestly when I heard it it sent chills up my spine definetly worth checking out.
I hope you enjoy it, and if you do decide to get the album I would be wary with using torrents.

I mean, I use them all the time, I'm not trying to be preachy or anything. But considering the content of Nick Cave's album are you sure you want to rip this guy off?

My Toothpaste is Trying to Kill Me

I have realized over the past seventeen years of my life, that toothpaste will be my untimely demise.

Don't ask me how I know this, I just do. And thinking about this has made me wonder, what have I done with my life?

Nothing really, I've bummed around, watched television, read a couple of good books, watched some more television, watched some movies and listened to some good music.

I have also realised that it has been the plight of educated men since the birth of reason back in Ancient Greece, to share knowledge in the hope of bettering ourselves and understanding the how and the why.

Well, I may not be an educated man, but before I meet my untimely end I have decided to turn to you, the internet, and fill your minds with the things I have seen and done.

So yes, it has become my goal, no my duty, to tell you about some good books, some movies and some good albums.

Please, hear what I say and take it forward to the world.