Penis; friend or foe?

By Dylan Slater and Chris McNee

It has been debated since the beginning of man; the pros and cons of the male genitalia. Opinions from all shades define the heated debate behind the man’s trouser snake. There are those that say it is the sort of thing a country needs to continue developing financially, whereas some claim that it is immoral. Contrary to both these trains of thought is a philosophy only recently developed; Penisism. From this radical new school of thought comes the idea that the penis should not only be embraced by Australia’s government policy makers but also coupled with the taboo idea of the ‘vagina’.

To understand the intricate and confounding issue that is Australia’s penis debate, one must first be fully familiar with the workings and ideals of Penisism. Penisism holds such ideals as “open your mouth or it goes in the eye” and “don’t worry I’ll pull out”. These two main catchphrases of Penisists are where the majority of criticism is directed. There are those in the community who feel that Penisists are a corrupting force upon society. These critics are generally feminists, and therefore have a biased slant.

The idea of Penisism is sharply contrasted by the idea of Vaginism or as they are known “The Order of the Secret Vajayjay”. The Vaginists hold such values as “I can’t feel that” and “that was it?” It is from this school of thought that Penisism is most heavily criticised. It would seem that the two opposing ideologies are incompatible, this however according to the radical new school of thought known as “Sexism”.

This type of Sexism is not referring to a discrimination based on gender; it is the combination of Penisism and Vaginism. This “Sexism” is though to be the solution to the constant struggle between Penisism and Vaginism that has defined all society hitherto. The Sex Struggle as was coined by Karl Farx-Gerlz, states that there will always be a struggle between the two genders so long as there is a notable difference. It is from this Karl Farx-Gerlz that the idea of Cummunism was created. Cummunism is important as it can be seen as the precursor to the new theory of Sexism.

Sexism and Cummunism, although born of the same ideology, differ greatly on one central and defining idea. Cummunism theorizes the fundamental idea of “in me not on me”. This is to say that Cummunism is not open to original or opposing thought within its structure. Whereas Sexism allows room for negotiation and compromise, for example one of the founding ideas of Sexism is “You rub my back and I’ll rub yours…or something else?” This is a demonstration of how within Sexism the people have a democratic right to negotiation whilst in Cummunism penetrative sex is the only type allowed.

Cummunism allows the combination of Penisism and Vaginism but only in a very limited away. Sexism allows for a negotiation and as such a better understanding of the two genders to be reached. This understanding between the two opposing ideologies allows a co-existence of the two philosophies. This allows a society to reap the benefits of both schools of thought.